At Night In The Personal Brand Factory

Step right up to the Personal Brand Factory, where authenticity is carefully curated. A conveyor belt carries eager professionals through a series of self-branding stations.

At the first stop, a mechanical arm tattoos a catchy tagline onto a forearm (“Passionate Go-Getter!”). At the next, they don a mask labeled “Authentic” – an ironic attempt to mass-produce uniqueness.

Further down, a spray booth applies a glossy coat of confidence and a hint of vulnerability (just enough for relatability). By the end, each individual holds a giant cut-out of a polished social media profile, complete with filtered headshot and a follower count glinting like a badge.

They step off the line looking identical in their manufactured originality!

Behind them, discarded bits of true personality litter the floor like shaved wood from a carving.