In a secret guru bunker below Silicon Valley, Coach Bling just dropped a life-altering truth bomb: “If life gives you cucumbers, call someone who ordered pickles.”
Meanwhile, his intern-turned-enlightened-entrepreneur answers a phone shaped like a cucumber, confirming the order. No one knows who’s on the other end—but rumor says it’s Jeff Bezos in disguise, asking about brine-to-crypto conversion rates.
Energy drinks, gold chains, and delusion fill the room. Somewhere, a VC weeps into his kombucha realizing… he is the pickle.
