Some people reach for the stars. Others arrive in them — sunglasses on, briefcase full of unsolicited pitches, riding a technicolor saucer powered by delusion and pre-workout.
Meet Maximalon Z. Visionaire. Founder of 73 startups, 14 of which are still active (in theory), and first self-certified Galactic Hustle Guru™ to network across the Milky Way. He doesn’t set quarterly goals — he orbits KPIs at warp speed.
As his UFO bounces off gravity like a trampoline of ambition, he passes a satellite, casually offering it a free PDF titled “10X Your Planetary Influence.” The satellite weeps softly, emitting a low Bluetooth sigh.
His goal? Galactic domination. Not the evil kind — the LinkedIn kind. He wants his face on every billboard from Mercury to Mars, with taglines like “Disrupt Your Orbit” and “Scale Saturn or Die Trying.” Jupiter already blocked him.
Inside his ship, the air smells like space-grade espresso and laser-sanitized ego. His dashboard blinks with terms like synergy, hyperdrive, and brand equity. Every button he presses triggers a TED Talk in a different language. Even the stars roll their eyes.
On Mars, a crater shaped like a dollar sign glows faintly, carved during his last vision-boarding retreat. His intern, a sentient rock named Pebbl3, handles outreach.
The universe expands. So does his pitch deck.
